Security for Your Fathers Day

Fathers Day is met with mixed feelings. Some use it as an opportunity to boast about their amazing father and share pictures to facebook friends. For others the day is a reminder of all the pain their father has caused in their life because of his selfish mistakes. Still others may meet the day with mourning over the father they lost and didn't get to spend nearly enough time with.

We all have strong feelings about the fathers in our life, whether good or bad. As we grow up we look to our fathers to make us feel secure and safe. It is their job to protect us. Sometimes we reach the conclusion that we have been well cared for, other times the absence of fatherly security shakes us.

When our fathers fail us we must remember the one they reflect.. The one who created us all with a need for security.

My dad and I dominating a frog race at family camp.

I have been blessed in my life with a very godly, loving father. He has made countless sacrifices of his own dreams and desires in order to give me and my sisters security in our lives. He supports us in our passions and encourages us to recognize and invest in our gifts.

 Although he has not always been the perfect dad, he has humbly and lovingly raised us to become women who love God and respect others. He has given us a home where we felt secure and safe.

But most importantly, he has reflected the Father who does it perfectly. This last year when I was four hours away at college, I started to appreciate fully what my earthly father had taught me about my heavenly father.

fear.

I have never been more aware of my introvertedness than on a college campus. As much as I love being surrounded by my friends all the time, I often feel worn out and need to find space to recharge on my own. Although this can feel like a weakness, I come alive in my alone time. This is when my creativity thrives and I feel most comfortable.

However, I cannot be alone all the time (nor do I want to be) and these are the times when being an introvert petrifies me. I walk as fast as I can to my classes so no one will see me and I won't have to go through the awkward decisions of whether to say hi or just keep walking. Then I get to my class as late as possible to avoid having to make small talk before it starts. The rest of  the class I try to learn, but am continually being drained of the energy it takes to be surrounded by people I don't really know.

I worry others will think I am antisocial and rude. I watch my extrovert friends light up the room when they enter as I shrink back into the corner to observe the busyness.

I'm Gonna Make This Place Your Home

I miss my home... Two days ago I wouldn't have been able to say that.

I anticipated being extremely homesick at college. My parents and sisters are my best friends and I have two nephews and a niece that grow up way too fast. I knew being four hours away would kill me, so I was pleasantly surprised when my fall consisted of very few emotional breakdowns. But this month has made up for it.

Spring semester has been harder than fall semester in almost every way.  At the root of it all is a desire to be at home, and a denial of actual homesickness.

 I day dream about standing next to my mom with our backs facing the fireplace while my sisters lay on the couch and we talk for hours, having to periodically convince each other not to go to sleep just yet. This routine that I used to take for granted has become a concrete memory of a place where I knew I was loved and accepted.

However, up until last night I would not admit that I wished I were home. I knew I missed my family and was struggling, but I would not allow myself to tell anyone, including myself and God. The pretty way to describe it was a fear of burdening anyone with my hardships, they ugly way is that I am too prideful to show weakness. I am all about bearing one another's burdens as long as they aren't mine. I'll keep those to myself, thank you very much.

Turns out there is a reason God commands us to let others help us carry our burdens,

Grasping the Wind

I sit on the couch in my own home. A book in one hand and cinnamon tea in the other. I have a pencil handy for the discoveries in these words. A boy who is supposed to be napping snuggled up beside me. This is home.

Although I have spent a lot of my break longing for school--the people, the atmosphere, the excitement-- I love this place I am in. It is a strange place, one where everything is familiar yet slightly different. Home is where I am comfortable and people know me, but they have gone through four months of change that leave all the familiarity slightly altered so I have to relearn my old environment.

I have gone through changes also. I cannot define exactly how I am different, but I know the joy and pain of the last four months have imprinted themselves into who I am. Yet coming back I feel dangerously the same. My life at college feels like a dream.

This is an uncomfortable space. I feel like I am neither here nor there. Cuddling my nephews and niece are things I desperately missed and love soaking up, but I still ache for my other home.

Blessed Beyond Compare

Being here at school I feel like my spiritual growth is on fast forward. I am learning so much every day it is hard to keep up. I don't know if I will ever be able to write out everything I have learned in this first month, but one thing I am certain of for today: we have been blessed beyond compare.

It is getting cold here in Minnesota. Yesterday was in the mid-50s, and today my first steps out of the dorm were frigid. Yet by the time I left chapel, the sun was peaking through the clouds turning the gloomy cold into a stunning display of changing seasons. Fall is on it's way!

I was also able to talk to my cross country coach this morning. First I interviewed him for the school paper, then he interviewed me about how I am doing with my training. I was amazed at how he was able to bring both conversations back to God. Coming into the season I was afraid nothing would be able to compare to my amazing high school sports experience, but God has blessed me with another Christ-centered coach and a team I am proud to be apart of.

My next stop was a breakout chapel with several orientation groups. We looked through Ephesians for evidence of our identity in Christ. I was encouraged to hear my classmates and friends speak passionately about God's love for them.

Some days here are challenging. There have been many times I have questioned my adequacy for dealing with it all. But God has been faithfully reminding me that He is the one who will equip me. And that He will bless me and those around me in ways I couldn't even have asked for.

If it had been cloudy and gloomy today, I would have survived. I would have gone about my work and not complained about the lack of sun. But God blessed me with sunshine. He gifted me even when I didn't ask for it. He is undoubtedly a gracious Father.