Why Do I Run?

Last night I had a disappointment.  I missed going to state by one step. I came in second in my 800 by six hundredths of a second. It was discouraging...  It was probably the best chance I had out of my whole high school  track career, and I missed it by .06 seconds. First, I wanted to cry... I had those regrets, I knew I could have done something to make my foot first across the finish line. I replayed the last 50 yards in my head, trying to pinpoint the flaw in my technique that caused me to fail. Fail. That is what I was tempted to believe. I missed my chance and let down my  team, coaches, parents,and myself. Then I realized what I'd actually done. I ran 3 seconds faster than I had all year, beating my personal best and the school record. I ran my race harder than I've ever run before, and my time showed it. If I had run my usual time, I wouldn't have even been second. I would have come in fifth or something.

My coach had me run an easy 20-30 minutes today just in case my time is in the top twelve of the 1A 800 runners who didn't win their heat and I am still able to go to state. During that run I was able to reflect and ask myself why I run.

Before track season, I read this book, Running Dream, about an amazing 400 runner who loses her leg in a car accident. It was really inspiring and has completely changed how I run. It also made me paranoid for a while that I would lose my leg and never run again... :/ ANYWAY. In this book, the main character, Jessica, is asked whether she loves running or racing. Jessica and I both never considered this question.  Then track season came and I claimed racing. The 800 is so much more than running fast, it is how you run the race. Sprinting the first hundred to seal your spot in the front, pacing your first lap, knowing your competition and what kind of kick they have. It is so unlike running on your own. Nonetheless, today I had to reconsider my answer to Running Dream's question.

Spring Time!

Spring is finally here! I celebrated Sunday with a long walk and ice cream with my sister. Yes. Summer, you are welcome whenever.

But... First we must finish school... Study music anyone? 

Thoughts on Purity

WARNING: This post is honest. The little homeschooled voice inside me is telling me not to talk about this cause it's too awkward. Purity? Ah! Leave that to the married mother of ten on the outside looking in! But here is where my heart is wrestling on this issue, so give me grace and give me your insights, I would love to hear from you!

Purity. A word that has been in my vocabulary as long as I can remember. As ever present in my mind as the "purity ring" on my finger. I am learning what it might actually mean-- beyond the taboo and courtship rules-- only recently.

It must capture more than merely my body. More than his body. Purity must overcome more than sex-- It overcomes sight.

It means seeing those of opposite gender for who they really are as children of God.

This man whose hand you long to hold is so much more than a masculine figure to lead you down the sidewalk. He is a spiritual leader navigating life for himself and for his future wife. More than a broad chest to lean upon, he is a human of broad interests who needs you to lean into that with intention and understanding. Instead of just lips to lovingly kiss your forehead, he is a heart being touched by the grace of God every day.

Know him fully. Not just his manhood, but his sonship.

One day at the proper time you may be blessed with being able to hold his hand or rest your head on his shoulder. Physical attraction lived out in healthy ways can definitely be God-honoring. And that ultimate physical intimacy reserved only for marriage is one of the most beautiful pictures of unity and the love of Christ and the church this world can offer. It is such a good gift. But all these things come second to seeing him better. Second to seeing him as more than just his physical attributes.

Purity is not the absence of sex drive. It is not looking away and paying penance for our sin. It is looking better. It is letting God speak into our vision of the person before us, borrowing the gaze of this man's creator and redeemer. Truly seeing is putting away your self-interest to really see that person of God for who they are.

"I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness." -- Isaiah 61:10

"Glorify God with me; let us exalt his name together." -- Psalm 34:3