Why Trust Issues are Human Issues

I tend to push people away then wait to see if they will come back. I put the people who love me on trial everyday, and even if they pass test after test I still keep them at a distance.

It is probably safe to say I have some trust issues. I could look back into my past and find turning points when I realized people couldn't be relied on as much as I thought. But the more I learn about people and about life, I realize my stories aren't much worse than others. In fact, many people have a much larger reasons to have trust issues than I do.

People who have been hurt don't have the monopoly on trust issues. Not if we look at the source of the problem.

Even if I made peace with all those who have hurt me in the past, I would still struggle with trust because the source of my problem is a lack of trust in God. If I can't trust the one who made me and who actually has control over everything, how will I ever learn to trust fallible people who will inevitably hurt me and will undoubtedly make mistakes?

The reality is that I think I am the only one I can trust.  I think I have more to offer myself than God has to offer, which means I am trying to be my own god. There really isn't a more comfortable way of looking at it: my trust issues are rooted in self-idolatry.

But I wasn't created to be autonomous. Adam was created by a God who wanted to live in communion with him then he was given another person (Eve) for community. No part of humanity was designed to be independent, but Adam and Eve tried to claim independence when they ate the fruit. Humans failed to trust God's words, and trust issues have been human issues ever since.

We all do it. We all let our pride and desire for independence take over, and we abandon God so we can trust ourselves instead of Him.

Unfortunately, refusing to trust God is not only idolatrous, it is disillusioned. Without Him, we would cease to exist. He is the very breath we breathe. We can choose to believe this, trust Him, and let Him heal us. Or we can keep living in the lie of independence and continue to suffer from trust issues.

The choice should be pretty obvious.

Suffering in Christian Community

This school year has been the hardest emotional time of my life. I have been struggling with anxiety and depression that bounces from being able to act completely normal to not knowing what my life is for.

All the while, I have been attending a Christian college. Perhaps this should have given me more comfort in the gospel, but, since some of the roots of my problem lie in social anxiety and feelings of rejection, I have felt like the burden was even stronger in this Christian environment.

I couldn’t relate to people in general, and all the people around me were Christians, so I reasoned that I couldn’t relate to Christians. And since I couldn’t relate, I didn’t like them.

Also, they seemed distant from what I was going through. Being told to read my Bible, or dwell on a verse, or think of God’s promises was all just advice to do something more. And I didn’t even have the energy to live.

Christians seemed so tuned out of my suffering. I made a distinction in my mind between Christ and Christians. Christ understood suffering and comforted me in mine because He had faced the deepest rejection and pain anyone could ever experience. But Christians just made rules, rejected people, prescribed answers, gave useless advice, smiled, laughed, made friends.

I couldn’t relate to Christians.

But this was extremely naïve thinking. Christians suffer. We all suffer. Some are just more overwhelmed by it in their particular stage of life. Some just deal with it differently.

God didn’t require me to join a college ministry or meet three new friends a week. But I needed to stop thinking poorly about His people. He calls us all to suffer with Him. And He promises all that He will be with them in every tear and every cry out for relief and every moment when you cannot stand.

Confronting the Sin Inside

I have seen darkness. I didn't see the suffering in Africa. I didn't lose a family member. This darkness didn't come from the outside world (though there is plenty darkness there). It came from me.

The Story

When I got a concussion last semester, all I could do was lay in my bed in a dark, quiet room. I had put so much hope in what I could accomplish, so when I could do absolutely nothing, I had to wrestle with where I found my value and identity. Did I have to believe I was worthless for two week?

I wish I could talk about how much I learned about my identity in Christ during those days. I wish I could say I dwelt on the promises of Scripture and God's goodness. But my prayers were very different.

"I HATE this, God. I am so mad at you. Why? Why would I need to go through this? This was not my plan."

Honesty with God was good. But eventually I became angry, bitter, cold, and hardened.

And I stayed there for months.

The Discovery

Going into the spring semester, I felt like I should have finally seen the blessing in my suffering. I wasn't enjoying being angry at God, but I also didn't know how to forgive Him. I was angry at God for not healing me, but I was also angry at myself for not trusting Him.

I doubted if I was even saved anymore. After all, I hated Christians, hated life, hated feeling badly, and hated anything that made me feel better.

It was like lifting a dead log that’s been sitting in the grass for too long and finding the disintegration going on underneath. Only I couldn't just drop the log, scream, and run away. The darkness and filth was in my heart.

The Hope

Maybe reading this, you are really annoyed with my self-centered view of darkness. How first-world can I be that looking at myself in the mirror is the worst suffering I have experienced? Don't I know the world is full of drought, abuse, slavery, and starvation?

I do realize the world is broken. But would you mind sitting here with me for a while? Take a moment to wonder if the worst things in life weren't out there, but in you and in me.

Why are we afraid to acknowledge the sin in our hearts when it is what separates us from God? It is literally a death sentence. Our sin, if left alone, can damn us for eternity.

Our culture will let you play the victim and make excuses for sin. But the Bible doesn’t.

"'None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.'…'Their feet are swift to shed blood; in their paths are ruin and misery, and the way of peace they have not known.' 'There is no fear of God before their eyes.'… By works of the law no human being will be justified in His sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin." -- Romans 3:9-20

"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you."  -- 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 (emphasis added)

In the full understanding of our sin, we can also fully understand the depths of God's grace. The above passages conclude this way:

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins." -- Romans 3:23-25

"But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." -- 1 Corinthians 6:11

Confronting the problem of sin is so painful. But when you learn how bad you are, you learn the size of the gift you have been given. Let your recognition of sin be an opportunity to worship the one who paid the punishment for your sin so that you could become a child of God.

Making Time for Family

I remember when Bekah wanted to join track when she was a freshman and I was a junior. I could not have been more opposed. I started running track at the small Christian school as an 8th grader, and it was the first time I had been known for me, not as a younger sister to one of my three older sisters.

If Bekah joined the team it would ruin everything! My friends would like her more, she would run faster, and I would lose my independence. The fears were mostly irrational, but they were very real for me and my insecurities.

Turns out I was totally wrong (surprise, surprise). Having my sister on the team was the best part of my last two years of track.

Now, when I look back on those years, I don't remember how many friends I made, how fast I ran, or if I felt independent. Instead I remember getting Noodles and Company after practice, driving home late at night after meets, singing in the car on the way to practice, and cheering for each other during races.

So here is my advice to you: Make time for your family. They may seem like a pain and all you can think of is how much you want to get away from them, but you need them. I'm four hours away from my siblings, and I miss them like crazy! I want nothing more than to drive around with the windows down singing with my sisters.

Take the time to do things together -- big and small. Spend every moment you can making memories with your family. They are going to stick around longer than any friend, and relationships with them are unbeatable.

Other Posts About Family
Time That Adds Up
I'm Gonna Make This Place Your Home

rest.

 

I don’t know how to write to you about this… At all costs I don’t want you to feel preached at and I don’t want to add anything to your to-do list. You already get that a lot.  I want to give you a chance to breathe. I want this to be a humble encouragement. If anything else it has been therapy for me to write it.

“You have called me higher, you have called me deeper, and I’ll go where you will lead me Lord, where you lead me Lord.”

I sang the words in Friday praise chapel. My heart and mind were racing as usual. It was the end of another long week, and I was late on homework, struggling with grades, failing at work, and injured as an athlete. I had been feeling one step behind all semester. Anxiety was my resting state.

 Then I sang this song. Called me higher? Called me deeper? Why? Why do I have to go further? I’m already running on empty. I don’t have anything left to do, Lord, please don’t call me to be even more uncomfortable.

I was desperate for rest, crying as I sat down in my chair. I gave up, and God was finally able to come in fully and the song began to take on a new message for me.

God was calling me higher and deeper than I would ever choose to go on my own. But He wasn’t asking me to try harder or be more. Instead, He was calling me to embrace what He had already given me.

I think most of us can say we have more asked of us than we can handle. Whether that pressure comes from someone else or ourselves, we are all fighting to reach certain expectations. We always feel like we need a break, but even when we get these, it doesn't seem to be enough to heal our weary, broken hearts.

And our Christianity doesn't seem to give relief. As followers of Jesus, we are told that hardship will come straight to us (John 15:18-20). But we do not need to despair in our tiredness.

Be comforted that you are in the exact place God has called you to. Discomfort is to be expected, but God is sovereign over this and He does not call you into hard work, He calls you into a hard leaning into Him. For He is the Sabbath rest you need and desire.

Take two minutes to breathe and pray. How has God been putting you through hardship lately? How have you responded to this? Let your heart collapse. In dying we live.

Further Reading

Stuck? Do the next thing

Vulnerability is the Safest Place

Guard your heart. This command comes from Proverbs 4:23 and it seems to be the golden rule in Christian dating. Christians like to think that if we withhold getting emotionally attached and spiritually intimate with someone of the opposite sex we will somehow save ourselves from the heartbreak of a failed romance and have more of ourselves to give to a future spouse.

But in protecting ourselves from the dangers of dating are we sabotaging the whole relationship process?

When you date someone the goal is to get to know them. And you don’t just want to know their favorite color and their hometown-- you want to know everything. You want intimacy and understanding. But Christians tend to set emotional boundaries on these things.

 (And outside of marriage there will always be a gap between emotional and physical intimacy. The intimacy I refer to in this post is emotional. Boundaries concerning physical intimacy are a different matter which I talk about in my post on purity.)

Don’t share parts of your life story that are too personal.  Don’t spend too much time alone. Don’t do bible studies together. We make all these boundaries for ourselves to postpone emotional intimacy until engagement or marriage when we can be sure this person can be trusted. But if we are not careful these boundaries for our hearts may become walls which will stifle all chances of authentic trust and vulnerability.

Perhaps there is a better way?

Broken Expectations and Fulfilled Promises

I love when things go as planned. But in life perfect moments are rare and, even more than that, they are fleeting. One second I am blissfully living out all my hopes and dreams, the next I am in a flurry trying to recover the broken pieces of my shattered expectations.

If there is anything I have learned this year, it is that expectations are not reliable objects of my faith.

It is almost impossible to live life without any expectations. Instead of looking back at the hardship and failures of our pasts, we look to a future that is untouched by our dirty fingers of fallenness and brimming with our perfect expectations. Expectations are our companions on this earth as we look to the forward in hope of something better.

But if we look only to our own plans and expectations, our pride will blind us as reality catches up to us. In the end we will end up jaded, resentful, and lost. It is not the forward direction of our looking that is mistaken, but the object of our gaze.

Security for Your Fathers Day

Fathers Day is met with mixed feelings. Some use it as an opportunity to boast about their amazing father and share pictures to facebook friends. For others the day is a reminder of all the pain their father has caused in their life because of his selfish mistakes. Still others may meet the day with mourning over the father they lost and didn't get to spend nearly enough time with.

We all have strong feelings about the fathers in our life, whether good or bad. As we grow up we look to our fathers to make us feel secure and safe. It is their job to protect us. Sometimes we reach the conclusion that we have been well cared for, other times the absence of fatherly security shakes us.

When our fathers fail us we must remember the one they reflect.. The one who created us all with a need for security.

My dad and I dominating a frog race at family camp.

I have been blessed in my life with a very godly, loving father. He has made countless sacrifices of his own dreams and desires in order to give me and my sisters security in our lives. He supports us in our passions and encourages us to recognize and invest in our gifts.

 Although he has not always been the perfect dad, he has humbly and lovingly raised us to become women who love God and respect others. He has given us a home where we felt secure and safe.

But most importantly, he has reflected the Father who does it perfectly. This last year when I was four hours away at college, I started to appreciate fully what my earthly father had taught me about my heavenly father.

Discipleship: The Example of Paul

1 & 2 Timothy and Titus, a grouping known as the Pastoral Letters, are some of the most relational books in the Bible. Not only do they contain Paul's advice to Timothy and Titus as they seek to build Christ-centered community in their churches, but they are written by a faithful apostle to men he calls his sons in the faith. The friendships between these men are a beautiful picture of what it should look like to pass down the responsibility of the gospel and equip the next generation for faithful ministry.

Timothy

Timothy was born in the city of Lystra to a Greek father and Jewish mother. Timothy's mother Eunice and his grandmother Lois were both very formative in Timothy's early years. 2 Timothy 1:3-5 speaks of their faithfulness in teaching him the scriptures and building him up in character.

 Timothy's first interactions with Paul likely came during one of Paul's missionary journeys to Lystra where he preached the gospel to a young Timothy. Apparently, Timothy took strongly to the gospel he heard from Paul and grew into a faithful young man of God (Acts 16:1-2). Because of the recommendations of believers from Lystra, Paul decided to take Timothy with him on his missionary journeys (Acts 16:3) where young Timothy suffered alongside Paul, proving himself to be a faithful companion.

Eventually, Timothy became the pastor of the church in Ephesus he and Paul planted. His mission there was to preserve the gospel (1 Tim. 1:3-5), which Paul instructs him to do through his letters 1 & 2 Timothy. 

Timothy was not necessarily impressive in terms of the world. He was shy, physically infirm, and young by the standards of his time (probably mid-thirties). He would not have been our first pick to carry on the work of Paul. However, Timothy exceeded what was expected of him through his faithfulness to God by relying on Christ for all strength and power (1 Cor. 1:26-29 and 2 Tim. 2:1). These are the things Paul encouraged Timothy to continue.

Paul loved Timothy dearly, which is evident from the letters he sent. First, Paul calls Timothy his true son in the faith (1 Tim. 1:2). Paul obviously saw the bond that had been made through Timothy's conversion and ministry with him to be significant, so much so that he thought of him as a son. Second, Paul comes alongside Timothy in ministry, first in his missionary travels and next by instructing him in how to care for his church by protecting the gospel. Although Paul had a lot to teach Timothy, he also valued his younger friend as a partner in ministry (Rom. 16:2). 

The discipleship relationship between these two men ran deep. Philippians 1:1 and Colossians 1:1 tell us that Timothy visited his aging mentor several times during his imprisonments. We also know that the two missed each other terribly when they were apart and longed for the companionship and encouragement of one another (2 Tim. 1:3-4; 4:21). Paul and Timothy show us that intentional and Christ-centered discipling can create powerful bonds that will be used by God for the benefit of both people and, most importantly, for the glory of God and the proclamation of his gospel.

Titus
Much less is known about Titus than Timothy, yet Paul also refers to him as a son in the faith, so he should be considered as another young pastor Paul discipled.

Titus was born as a Greek and became a convert of Paul then joined him his third missionary journey. Titus faithfully served the church in Corinth (2 Cor. 2:12-13; 7:5-7, 13-15; 8:6, 16-24) and he also organized the church in Crete and led them in their early years. While Titus was pastoring the Cretan church Paul wrote him his letter.

We do not know many details about Titus, but what we do know is significant. He worked with Paul as a missionary, he faithfully served the churches, and Paul invested in his life through letters. The book of Titus is an illustration of Paul passing on his wisdom to a leader of future generations of believers, a discipleship model that we should pay attention to and replicate in our own lives and churches. 

Resources:
John Stott's books The Message of 1 Timothy & Titus and The Message of 2 Timothy
Timothy-- Paul's Son in the Faith (The United Church of God)
Titus (Insight for Living Ministries)
The Epistle of Paul the Apostle to Titus

7 Characteristics of Effective Discipleship

The relationship Paul fostered between Timothy and Titus was Christ-exalting and worked to supply the next generation of believers in the early church with leaders who strove to preserve the gospel. How can we model after Paul in producing these kinds of relationships in our own era to build up leaders for the future? Drawing from Paul's example and various sources, here are seven characteristics of effective discipleship to be used in mentorships as one Christian passes down wisdom to another.

1. Time

Being present in someones life is very powerful. Relationships are built on quality and quantity time, and the basis of discipleship is a relationship. In order to accomplish the rest of these characteristics in an effective discipleship, you must make yourself available, being intentional about spending time together. Strong bonds are not built over night and it takes time to be develop an authentic discipleship relationship.

Source: Kathy Anderson

2. Understanding

The full effect of discipleship requires the two parties getting to know each other so they can understand what the other needs to hear-- whether to laugh or cry, encourage or convict, sympathize or rationalize. To achieve this kind of understanding there must be authentic vulnerability and willingness to be honest with each other. Furthermore, vulnerability should be guarded with absolute trust and confidentiality  so the relationship can continue to be edifying without anyone fearing possible ridicule or judgement.

Sources: Kathy Anderson and Effective Mentoring through Incarnational Relationships

3. God's Word and Prayer

Although it is not placed first on the list, this is the most important element to effective discipleship because there can be no meaningful change without God. Yet the placement is not irrelevant. God's Word and prayer both create intimate bonds when explored together and they are most powerful when they come in the context of a relationship that has invested the necessary time to produce quality understanding.

4. Godly Example

A changed heart should overflow into changed actions. Discipleship should have godly living as one of its main aims for both the mentor and the mentee. The mentor should be the model of a godly life, so the mentee may follow by example. Discipleship is a perfect opportunity to create strong accountability and encouragement for both people to be growing in holiness out of love for God. Most importantly, in discipleship relationships, we should encourage one another to trust God for all peace, love, and self-control (2 Tim. 1:7).

Source: Kathy Anderson

5. Resolution of Conflict

As relationships get deeper, the sinful natures of people will begin to reveal themselves as a new understanding of one another increases the chances of seeing things that are ugly along with the good. As these two sinners continue to interact there is bound to be conflict, but how this conflict is resolved will be the difference in whether the relationship crumbles or continues to grow toward Christ. First, both people must decide to make conflict resolution a priority. It is not always a comfortable process, but immediate confession and forgiveness  of wrongs is necessary for continued trust. Next, both people must commit to handling these issues in love so that no more damage is caused in the resolution, but it is also used as a tool to propel the discipleship relationship to greater depths of understanding and encouragement.

Source: Effective Mentoring through Incarnational Relationships

6. Encouragement

Just as Paul encouraged Timothy to "fan into flame the gift of God" (2 Tim. 1:6, ESV) and "not neglect the gift within you" (1 Tim. 4:14, ESV), so we should seek to encourage those we disciple in their spiritual and natural gifts. One of the goals of Christian discipleship is to build up leaders for the next generation, and this means we must be teaching them to foster how God has blessed them so that they might bless others in his name. Encouragement  should be the very intentional result of all the hard labor of developing the discipleship relationship. 

Source: Kathy Anderson

7. Love

Finally, tie all these together in love. Mutual love and submission fueled by the Holy Spirit should  be the overwhelming characteristic of Christian discipleship relationships. God will be glorified in the relationship if it mimics his love for us, not selfish or self-exalting, but sacrificial. Only by speaking the truth in love and seeking to serve one another in your roles will spiritual growth manifest itself in the discipleship. 

Resources:
Kathy Anderson's lectures in the class Pastoral Letters at University of Northwestern -- St. Paul
Model for Mentoring

Effective Mentoring through Incarnational Relationships
Three Benefits of Discipleship
Lessons on Leadership from the Pastoral Epistles

Fun Facts Friday

1. Les Miserables Medley from Lindsey Stirling
 Yes, please. My two favorites!

2. Five16 Film Festival
This is an annual event at Northwestern where film students have their projects screened for a large audience. I was able to go with a group of friends and it was so much fun. I loved getting to see all the hard work my fellow Northwestern students to tell stories in a way that glorifies God. Our film students are seriously so talented! Here are some of my favorites from every category...

Music Video: "Seawinds" Zac Anderson and Eric Johnson, Best Music Video

Comedy: "Calvin 'The Janitor' Jackson" Zac Anderson and Victoria Cross, Best Comedy

Animation: "Little Patanga" Jenna Hubin and Zac Lundstrom, Best Animation

Drama: "The Writer" Zac Anderson, Victoria Cross, Eric Johnson and Scott Van Daalen, Audience Choice Award

Also, "Compete with Purpose" Matthew Abler, Best Drama and Best Actor (Joseph "Juice" Sutton)

3. The Mundane

I found this and it was a humbling reminder that you never really learn something. I have been struggling with this same exact thing recently. God seems to bring the same lessons around over and over again giving us a new depth of understanding every time.

Winter

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace." -- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

From February 4,  when winter is feeling far too long and far too cold:

At the beginning of this week I was struggling. The stress and loneliness were crippling. I was tired in every way, but then so was everyone else. What made my problems harder than theirs? What gave me the right call a struggle what we all must call life? I silenced it. But that made my heart hurt all the more.

Then the snow came.

fear.

I have never been more aware of my introvertedness than on a college campus. As much as I love being surrounded by my friends all the time, I often feel worn out and need to find space to recharge on my own. Although this can feel like a weakness, I come alive in my alone time. This is when my creativity thrives and I feel most comfortable.

However, I cannot be alone all the time (nor do I want to be) and these are the times when being an introvert petrifies me. I walk as fast as I can to my classes so no one will see me and I won't have to go through the awkward decisions of whether to say hi or just keep walking. Then I get to my class as late as possible to avoid having to make small talk before it starts. The rest of  the class I try to learn, but am continually being drained of the energy it takes to be surrounded by people I don't really know.

I worry others will think I am antisocial and rude. I watch my extrovert friends light up the room when they enter as I shrink back into the corner to observe the busyness.

I'm Gonna Make This Place Your Home

I miss my home... Two days ago I wouldn't have been able to say that.

I anticipated being extremely homesick at college. My parents and sisters are my best friends and I have two nephews and a niece that grow up way too fast. I knew being four hours away would kill me, so I was pleasantly surprised when my fall consisted of very few emotional breakdowns. But this month has made up for it.

Spring semester has been harder than fall semester in almost every way.  At the root of it all is a desire to be at home, and a denial of actual homesickness.

 I day dream about standing next to my mom with our backs facing the fireplace while my sisters lay on the couch and we talk for hours, having to periodically convince each other not to go to sleep just yet. This routine that I used to take for granted has become a concrete memory of a place where I knew I was loved and accepted.

However, up until last night I would not admit that I wished I were home. I knew I missed my family and was struggling, but I would not allow myself to tell anyone, including myself and God. The pretty way to describe it was a fear of burdening anyone with my hardships, they ugly way is that I am too prideful to show weakness. I am all about bearing one another's burdens as long as they aren't mine. I'll keep those to myself, thank you very much.

Turns out there is a reason God commands us to let others help us carry our burdens,

Grasping the Wind

I sit on the couch in my own home. A book in one hand and cinnamon tea in the other. I have a pencil handy for the discoveries in these words. A boy who is supposed to be napping snuggled up beside me. This is home.

Although I have spent a lot of my break longing for school--the people, the atmosphere, the excitement-- I love this place I am in. It is a strange place, one where everything is familiar yet slightly different. Home is where I am comfortable and people know me, but they have gone through four months of change that leave all the familiarity slightly altered so I have to relearn my old environment.

I have gone through changes also. I cannot define exactly how I am different, but I know the joy and pain of the last four months have imprinted themselves into who I am. Yet coming back I feel dangerously the same. My life at college feels like a dream.

This is an uncomfortable space. I feel like I am neither here nor there. Cuddling my nephews and niece are things I desperately missed and love soaking up, but I still ache for my other home.

Fasting

Fasting is probably practiced the least among all the spiritual disciplines. After all, we live in a culture of excess where satisfying every impulse and desire is seen as a positive. Yet fasting is promoted in the scripture as we see Moses, David, Elijah, Esther, Daniel, Paul and even Jesus Christ fasting and Jesus teaches how to fast in his Sermon on the Mount. Freed from the law, Christians are not required to fast and the Bible has no direct commands to fast, still it can be a beneficial discipline to draw us closer to God.

We fast because Christ has ascended to heaven and we are awaiting his return. “Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast” (Matt. 9:15). When we abstain from food our physical hunger should point us toward our more serious hunger for Christ to return and our need for God over anything else we may consume.

Fun Facts Friday

I think with all the things I am learning and discovering in this crazy place called college I should bring this back.

1. Ed Sheeran, you never cease to amaze me! This is my favorite song from my favorite artist and they are dancing..... Ah!

2. Keeping things in perspective is a really good idea. Usually I don't read thes kinds of articles and I never share them because I often think they are silly and give you too high of expectations or make you feel like you really need a guy. But this one did a good job of keeping everything in perspective, a nice little read... The Kind of Man You Deserve.

3. Track season! I can't believe my first week of collegiate track practice is almost over!

Throwback to the first year me and Bekah ran together at ICA!

4. Just yes. You have to appreciate a good mix of Christmas spirit with grammar snobbery. Apostrophes make a difference! My sister sent me this article earlier this week and I am in love: How to Make Your Last Name Plural This Christmas Season.

5. I get to go to Christmas at Northwestern tomorrow! I love Christmas carols and having them sung by Northwestern's crazy talented choirs backed up by the orchestra just makes it even better :)

1989

Taylor Swift has another hit on her hands with her newest album “1989.” In this album Swift proves she is a grown-up whose learned the ropes of the industry and is taking control of her own love life.

Swift has become one of the biggest pop artists in the world and she proved it when her fifth album debuted at number one in six countries. The country darling who stole the hearts of America eight years ago in her debut self-titled album has grown into a full-blown pop sensation. Her naïve tunes about finding Mr. Right have shifted to honest, brave songs wondering if “it's gonna be forever/ Or it's gonna go down in flames.” Her heavy country influence and Tim McGraw references have transformed into what Billboard describes as drum programming, synthesizers, pulsating bass and processed backing vocals. The change is working.

Although Swift is growing into a new sound, her relatability has not disappeared. She is still singing about love and, although it is a more mature and less innocent, her audience can still share in her plight.

In the popular track “Blank Space” Swift acknowledges she is not the innocent girl she was in “Fearless.” She has grown into a successful young woman with a lot of intense, high-profile relationships on her record. This song is a dark acknowledgement that time has turned her hopeful infatuation into an acceptance that love is not going to be a fairytale. However, it also plays on irony shown in the music video where Swift acts like an insane, possessive girlfriend illuminating the exaggeration of the media’s portrayal of her. This song shows that Swift has grown up enough to be self-aware, but also to stand up for herself and be self-defined.

The edginess of “Blank Space” is contrasted by songs on the other end of the spectrum “How You Get the Girl” and “This Love.” In these songs listeners get a reminder of the Swift who still believes in true love, even if it doesn’t come easy. “How You Get the Girl” paints a portrait of what every girl wants: a boy to come to her door and say “I want you for worse or for better/I would wait for ever and ever.” Furthermore, “This Love” is a perfect example of the restless desire for beautiful, imperfect love. The chorus – “This love is good, this love is bad/This love is alive back from the dead/These hands had to let it go free/And this love came back to me”—and the more acoustic sound give listeners the wistful feeling Swift is known for.

Critics may say Swift is straying too far from her country roots or her intimate, sometimes dramatic lyrics are over the top, but these are both things that have made Swift a success. Even in her earliest albums she was not the typical country artist and has been pushing the bounds of the genre. Likewise, “1989” does not fit the pop stereotype with R&B and hip hop influence but has a more 1980s take on pop. It is not country or mainstream pop; it is a brand all its own which is why it appeals so deeply to its audience.

 The appeal can also be attributed to Swift’s honesty on her albums. Her fans love the intimacy with their idol and those who aren’t fans are interested to see what she will reveal next. Although it is her greatest critique, Swift’s honesty and vulnerability keep people talking about her and listening to her. Swift breaks the norm of what is expected of artists in music today in how much of her personal life is public, but this is the very thing that sets her apart and make it impossible for us to let her go. Her unique style is irreplaceable.

Swift and her musical style have reached maturity in “1989.” She has left the country music characteristics behind and blossomed into a pop artist who combines edge with wistfulness to shake up the music industry and make people talk.

There is no stopping Swift as she kicks off her “1989” world tour May 5 in Tokyo. Swift will do three shows at the Xcel Energy Center in Minneapolis in September, tickets went on sale Nov. 21 and can be purchased at TicketMaster.com.

So this is not really a typical post for me... At all. Writing a review was an assignment I had for my Persuasive Writing class I am taking and this is the result! I am posting it here simply because I love Taylor Swift and I worked hard on the assignment so having people read it makes it worthwhile! Thank you for taking a break for my usual content to give me an audience for my assignment :)

Prayer, part 2

When we first begin to pray, we may not always feel like praying. But if we are consistent and pray even when we don't feel like it we will realize how much we really need prayer.

This is how I felt when began my week of intentionally practicing the spiritual discipline of prayer. It was hard and awkward at first, yet I know it will get easier and that it is teaching me so much about trusting God for everything. The two main things I learned were to worship more frequently and offer my worries up to God.

When my mind was pointed toward prayer as a priority I found myself praising God more frequently. Instead of merely thinking, “Oh I like snow!” I would pray, “God thank you for sending this beautiful snow!” I think this helped me to be more aware of how God is working in my life. He is blessing me every day in more ways than I can even recognize, but when I do recognize them my appreciation of them deepens when I acknowledge that they come from a Father who loves me.

Not only has my Father given me blessings, but he also wants to care for my needs and hear my requests. During my week of practicing prayer more intentionally I tried to take note of those needing prayer and raise petitions to God on their behalf. Along with this I also had my own personal requests to God. When I was doing this I understood much better that God is in complete control of circumstances. I began to see everything I experienced as a gift of grace and an answer to prayer. Even if it was not what I had intended, I knew God had heard my plea and he was working in a way that was more than I could have asked for.

Although I learned a lot about worshiping God and giving my worries up to him through my week focused on prayer, I did not do as well as I had hoped of keeping constant dialogue with God and setting apart time for deep prayer. However, what I gleaned from the praying I was able to do showed me that this is a discipline I need to continue practicing.  As I get more comfortable praying I believe it will become easier and I will learn to listen to God’s responses better.

Art that I Want to Emulate

Rose With Thorns- This girl makes me so excited because I get to know her. I get to live across the hall from her and take classes with her. I am inspired not only by her amazing writing and her success and ambition, but her content never ceases to encourage me and inspire me. She writes with terrific honesty and insight. She delves into subjects most people ignore and says the things I never knew I needed to hear, but now I can't imagine how I could live without out them.

Chatting at the Sky- You guys! Emily Freeman e-mailed me! I sent her an e-mail over spring break letting her know her writing has inspired me and I had almost forgotten about it when one day I checked my e-mail and there it was. I stood up and did a happy dance and plan on printing it out as a reminder of how I want to write and who I am serving. There may be critics, I will probably be my worst one, but I am living my art for God, not myself so I cannot give up out of discouragement.

Sarah Katherine- Happy Birthday, friend! I am sooo thankful for having the opportunity to know her! She moved to Des Moines last fall and went to my church helping with youth group and leading a Bible study for the girls. She showed me that even in a brief time, you can make a substantial impact if you make yourself available. She has encouraged me in what I do and taught me so much. She is full of wisdom and willingness to be honest. 

Susan Hunt- I have only read on of her books so far, but I learned so much! I love her commitment to explaining and applying the Word of God. Her writing is one of the main reasons I changed my major to include biblical studies. I have no interest in encouraging or inspiring people if my words are not echoes of what God says and do not point to my readers to the value in their life as it fits into God's story for redeeming the world. She also showed me the dignity in women's ministry. A year ago I was constantly wrestling with the fact that, as a woman, I am limited in who I can address with authority in my writing. But after doing her Becoming a True Woman While You Still Have a Curfew study, I am discovering the beauty and importance of being a female and uncovering a desire for my writing to speak directly to Christian woman. 

I am so thankful for the part these woman have played in my life. I hope on day, by God's grace, I will be able to touch, teach, and inspire others how in the way they have in my life.