I tend to push people away then wait to see if they will come back. I put the people who love me on trial everyday, and even if they pass test after test I still keep them at a distance.
It is probably safe to say I have some trust issues. I could look back into my past and find turning points when I realized people couldn't be relied on as much as I thought. But the more I learn about people and about life, I realize my stories aren't much worse than others. In fact, many people have a much larger reasons to have trust issues than I do.
People who have been hurt don't have the monopoly on trust issues. Not if we look at the source of the problem.
Even if I made peace with all those who have hurt me in the past, I would still struggle with trust because the source of my problem is a lack of trust in God. If I can't trust the one who made me and who actually has control over everything, how will I ever learn to trust fallible people who will inevitably hurt me and will undoubtedly make mistakes?
The reality is that I think I am the only one I can trust. I think I have more to offer myself than God has to offer, which means I am trying to be my own god. There really isn't a more comfortable way of looking at it: my trust issues are rooted in self-idolatry.
But I wasn't created to be autonomous. Adam was created by a God who wanted to live in communion with him then he was given another person (Eve) for community. No part of humanity was designed to be independent, but Adam and Eve tried to claim independence when they ate the fruit. Humans failed to trust God's words, and trust issues have been human issues ever since.
We all do it. We all let our pride and desire for independence take over, and we abandon God so we can trust ourselves instead of Him.
Unfortunately, refusing to trust God is not only idolatrous, it is disillusioned. Without Him, we would cease to exist. He is the very breath we breathe. We can choose to believe this, trust Him, and let Him heal us. Or we can keep living in the lie of independence and continue to suffer from trust issues.
The choice should be pretty obvious.
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