Grasping the Wind

I sit on the couch in my own home. A book in one hand and cinnamon tea in the other. I have a pencil handy for the discoveries in these words. A boy who is supposed to be napping snuggled up beside me. This is home.

Although I have spent a lot of my break longing for school--the people, the atmosphere, the excitement-- I love this place I am in. It is a strange place, one where everything is familiar yet slightly different. Home is where I am comfortable and people know me, but they have gone through four months of change that leave all the familiarity slightly altered so I have to relearn my old environment.

I have gone through changes also. I cannot define exactly how I am different, but I know the joy and pain of the last four months have imprinted themselves into who I am. Yet coming back I feel dangerously the same. My life at college feels like a dream.

This is an uncomfortable space. I feel like I am neither here nor there. Cuddling my nephews and niece are things I desperately missed and love soaking up, but I still ache for my other home.



They say home is where the heart is. Two homes makes for a worn out heart.

All I can ask is to live in this moment. I cannot grasp it, capture it, or preserve it. I must only live it. Whether it is a moment of comfortable contentment or longing for what is absent, I must be present there.

"When I applied my heart to know wisdom, and to see the business that is done on earth , how neither day nor night do one's eyes see sleep, then I saw all the work of God, that man cannot find out the work that is done under the sun. However much man may toil in seeking, he will not find it out. Even though a wise man claims to know, he cannot find it out." -- Ecclesiastes 8:16-17

"The world never slows down so we can better grasp the story... We have exactly one second to carve a memory of that second, to sort and file and prioritize in some sort of preservation. But then the next second has arrived... Our imaginations are busy enough capturing now that it is easy to lose just then." --N.D. Wilson

"The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." -- Ecclesiastes 12:13

I recommend several reads through Ecclesiastes just letting the words sink into who you are and how you live this crazy story called life.