Worn

According to John Piper, the key to not wasting your life is gladly making others glad in Christ. "The greatest cause in the world is joyfully rescuing people from hell, meeting their earthly needs, making them glad in God, and doing it with a kind, serious pleasure that makes Christ look like the treasure He is" (Don't Waste Your Life). This is my goal in  my un-wasted life: to fulfill my purpose of glorify God and enjoy Him and let others witness it so they may see Christ as a treasure. However, this past week it was an excruciating struggle to complete this goal, because it was very difficult to be glad.

My week did not start smoothly, within two days I was physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually wasted. I envied my hours at home regretting wasting them sleeping, at the same time thinking sleep could not last long enough. It was a challenge just to keep myself from crying when no one was looking. But I forced myself to pull it together, to be glad so that others could be glad. Yet there was no joy in me. I was worn out and useless to everyone.

Then God highlighted some words in that phrase. "Gladly making others glad in Christ." I am not the source of the gladness, Christ is. I can't make anyone glad in Christ, even if I was radiating beams of joy 24/7 which, I know for a fact, is impossible. It is Christ working in their hearts that will make them glad in Him. His joy is always sufficient.

 I should still strive to help others be glad in their savior, but part of that is being totally exhausted and still having unshaken faith, being discouraged but still having hope. Because Christ will be sufficient. Even when I can't stand and shine on others, He stands victorious over the grave and gives everlasting joy. 

I have hope that this trial will not last forever. There is testing, but it is only for a time. These times of struggle are given to painfully mold me in the process of sanctification. I have never been more aware of my sanctification process than in this past year, which I consider to be the most difficult year of my life. I am repeatedly being taught lessons I thought I knew. These lessons are bittersweet because of the pain that it takes to learn them and, many days, I wonder when I will find rest. However, I know as long as I live I will continue to go through these difficult chapters, and some may be very dark and the end will be nowhere in sight. Years may pass when it seems I have no release, but all these struggles can't compare to the joy of being with Christ in eternity. Furthermore, He will never forsake me in these times!

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8